Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Contentment

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." 
Romans 3:23, HCSB

It's true.  Whether you admit it or not.  Nobody is perfect, no not one.  I, of all people, know it.  I have so many faults, so many flaws, and yet He loves me anyway.  Through Him, we are made righteous (Rom. 3:26).
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I would like to share a confession.

Are you ready?  =]

Off and on, for the past year or so, I've been struggling with contentment.  Since my decision to be a stay-at-home-daughter, learning all the while to one day be a help-meet and a keeper-at-home to a future husband and family, I've worried over my future.  During my "training," I've slowly realized that God may never call me to be this.  There is a possibility, and I am afraid.  I'm afraid he won't send me a husband, I won't ever have a family of my own, nor a house to keep, and so on.  And yet, I believe, through this, He's teaching my stubborn will the fact that all I will ever need is Him.

The song Draw Me Close comes to mind:

Draw me close to You,
Never let me go.
I lay it all down again
To hear You say that I'm Your friend.

You are my desire,
No one else will do;
Cause nothing else can take Your place
To feel the warmth of Your embrace.

Help me find a way
To bring me back to You.

You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed.
You're all I want
Help me know You are near.

Recently, I had a conversation with my King.  I don't believe I've ever heard Him speak so clearly to me as He did on December 1st during my quiet time.  I've been reading in the Psalms, just a couple chapters every day, and when a verse or two really sticks out to me, I'll jot it down in my little "thankful" journal, which is the notebook I've been recording my 1,000 Gifts (I'm currently on 600!).  

One of the verses I stumbled upon was Psalm 20, verse 4, "May He give you what your heart desires and fulfill your whole purpose."  I admit, that passage set me thinking.  What was my heart's desire?

All throughout the Psalms, David's heart is spoken clearly as wanting only what God desires.  Another of my favorite songs is entitled "Your Heart", sung by Chris Tomlin.  It goes something like this:

At the end of the day, I wanna hear people say,
That my heart looks like Your heart,
My heart looks like Your heart!
When the world looks at me, I pray all they see,
Is that my heart looks like Your heart,
My heart looks like Your heart!

Truly, that is my wish also.

But still...

I had to ask myself these questions:

What is my heart's desire?
To one day get married and have a family of my own.
What was David's desire?
To dwell in the house of the Lord forever. (Psalm 27:4)

God:  "See the difference?"
Me:  "Yes."
God:  "Will you trust Me?"
Me:  "Yes.  Please help me to."

Maybe He does have a prince for me.  Maybe my dream is part of my future.  I don't know.  

We will never fully understand the mind of our God and King.  But that doesn't mean you should worry and fret over something so trivial.  Trust is the thing.  I'm slowly learning this.  It has even entered my mind that God knows I'm not ready for such a commitment and responsibility as marriage.  Maybe He is waiting for me to grow into that person, waiting for me to mature, to learn to fully trust Him. 

O how I want to!

Unfortunately, it is a slow process.  At least, in my case.

Contentment - n. the state of being contented; satisfaction; ease of mind.

Slowly, but surely, I'm finding my satisfaction in Him.  He alone is the Giver of Peace.  


Blessings,
Sarah

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