Here are some Snippets from last month. These hail from my WIP Safia and another project I'm calling Kyndi, after the main character (MC).
The first couple chapters of Safia have recently undergone a serious rewrite. So, if some of the excerpts from that project sound familiar, just roll with it, if you please. :] I am quite happy with how it's coming along. A lot has changed; more has been added, some taken away. But in the long run, I think it's for the best. . .
Enjoy.
Fire?
Safia looked up where blazed the sails of her father's beloved ship. She caught a glimpse of the moon then, bright and brilliant amidst
the tyranny before her.
Ta-ta, dear friends!
The first couple chapters of Safia have recently undergone a serious rewrite. So, if some of the excerpts from that project sound familiar, just roll with it, if you please. :] I am quite happy with how it's coming along. A lot has changed; more has been added, some taken away. But in the long run, I think it's for the best. . .
Enjoy.
----------------------------------------
Fire?
Safia looked up where blazed the sails of her father's beloved ship. She caught a glimpse of the moon then, bright and brilliant amidst
the tyranny before her.
[SAFIA]
He laughed, “Greetings, Mighty Leif! It seems your course ends
here.”
Leifson growled, drawing up to his full height. He barked a reply
in the Common tongue. “So be it. But blast me to Abaddor if I don' take you with me,
scum o' the Down! Come t' me, snake, and I'll send ye t' ye're true
Master!”
[SAFIA]
Konner looked her in the eyes and held his gaze for a precious
moment. “This is not your end.” Tugging her braid, he gave her a
smile of assurance. “No matter what happens, Safi, you will see the
light of day. These men will make sure of it, and would do so again
and again.”
[SAFIA]
He
paused, his breathing difficult, his eyes heavy. “'Where
ocean blue meets sands of white. . .' ”
“'Come
dance with me in the bright moonlight,'”
she finished, gulping back the tears, fully aware of a brilliant moon
above. She kissed his toughened hand as Konner took her arm.
Leifson smiled, “Go, daughter!”
“Farewell, Papa. Give Mother my love!”
[SAFIA]
----------------------------------------
Then she saw it. The door to her home had been wrenched open, signs of a forced entry obvious around the old knob. She gasped, causing Jack to look at her, and nearly tripped in her rush to the opening, leaving the relatively dry shelter of his umbrella. Oblivious to the pounding rain, the only thought in her frazzled mind was the concerned safety of her little sisters.
[KYNDI]
Edmund glanced at the old grandfather clock across the room. His head felt like a boulder biding its time on the cliffs of his shoulders, ready to topple off if one more blooming word made itself coherent to his tired eyes.
9:26 P.M.
He groaned and rubbed his face, grimacing at the slight stubble of his chin. So much for catching up on paperwork. It seemed he had been staring at the same document for the past hour, accomplishing nothing.
Sighing heavily and wishing for the softness of his bed, he stood just as his mobile phone buzzed.
"Barlow."
[KYNDI]
When he answered her, his voice was gruffer than he wished, "As one of my employees, you are entitled to my protection. If someone troubles you, or your family, they must answer to me."
She looked up at him and there was something in her eyes. Gratitude? Surprise? She turned her gaze downward, but not before he caught the blush.
"I don't remember that in the contract."
"It's a given."
[KYNDI]
----------------------------------------
Hmm. This set was kinda serious. Wish I had some humor to lighten things up. . . Ah well. What'cha think? It seems I struggle greatly in trying to get my words to show instead of merely tell. Does that make sense? Here is an awesome article on Showing vs. Telling by Stephanie Morrill of Go Teen Writers.
And now, I shall leave you with this. Because it is all too true at times. :D
YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD WRITER. I ADORED these snippets! <3333 Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful job!
ReplyDeleteI think you did wonderfully showing over telling! But, man, I know where you're coming from. That's my biggest struggle with writing I think. I've been painstakingly trying to get over it, but it's so hard. Writing is HARD. *terrified screaming* (Butwestilllovedoingit.)
Yay! :D Terrific snippets, Sarah! Congratulations on the Safia rewrites- you can do it! I found the Kyndi snippets especially exciting!!Showing & telling is tough. :P I think you did a really good job with the "head felt like a boulder" description. I could really visualize that, I've felt exactly like that many times!
ReplyDeleteThanks as always for sharing more snippets with us!! :)
<3,
Risa
*beams* Aww, thank you so much, ladies! You just made my day!
ReplyDeleteYES. Writing is HARD! But we like the challenge, right?!? ;D
Thanks, Risa! I was kinda surprised when that phrase entered my poor little head, but I'm glad I went with it!
I appreciate your sweet comments, dear friends! Much love!
Lovely post!
ReplyDeleteTane ♥
Thank you, Tane! <3
ReplyDeleteThese were beautiful! You can write so well. Now I'm itching to get writing again myself, but that thing called research rather stands in my way. :/
ReplyDeleteBeautiful snippets, though! Keep writing, my friend.
(Oh, and I'm Emily; you followed my little blog once, then I made it private. I intended to invite you, I truly did. However, I could not find your email address on your website, and then I meant to ask you for it, and then procrastination took over, and then it was too late. Dear me, dear me... many apologies for that. However, I do have a public blog now, so hurrah, hurrah! It's nice to be able to connect with you once again. ^.^)